She's back!

Wow! I have been hankering to get back on here and pour out some relative wisdom. So many things have changed, contracted or expanded, in my life since my last post. I'm going to skip the catch up, because as the Bhagavan Das would say, "Don't think about the past; just be here now," or "Don't think about the future; just be here now."

When I look at the when of my last post, to the now of this post, I notice that they bookmark a rather dark period of my life. Well, to be fair, the entire world experienced a lot of that darkness as a pandemic. But I'm talking of a deeper darkness. This darkness has followed me around my entire life, always there, just over my shoulder, sometimes overwhelming my spirit, and other times just casting a shadow over anything that would be shiny and bright. It was as oppressive as I allowed it to be. 

I remember when I was going through my initial yoga teacher training, with the divine Christie Cairo, how struck I was at how easily some of the women in that circle understood and acknowledged the wisdom Christie was illuminating for us. I felt so priviledged to learn amongst these wise women. I also remember being slightly jealous that they had had this information for most of their lives and had benefited from these truths, where I, having only stumbled upon this path, had not. I lamented the suffering I had endured over my lifetime and I just wanted to, first, rage that I hadn't had this path to peace available to me when it was so evidently necessary, but also, I wanted to run out and share it with all of my family and friends.

Looking back, how silly it was of me to believe I would have had the bandwidth to have downloaded so much truth. My psyche was only just getting to a point of exhaustion from doing things the same way, always with the same outcomes, (the definition of insanity, right?) These last few years of misery were the final nails in the coffin of my former self. I am thusly ready to be the architect of my own joy. 

So thank you for coming back to indulge me in my vanglory! I can't promise my ego won't emerge and push her way around this forum, but I will make every attempt to be as aware of this as possible. For now, I invite you to enjoy this talk from Ram Dass, Polishing the Mirror. Around the 12 minute mark is a lovely affirmation mantra:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbm8iqXXxq0