How Crazy Is That?

This is how ridiculously outrageous our society's sense of beauty has impacted practically logical people: After years of battling with weight issues, at one time getting up to a whopping size 22, I am sitting here in my size 12 jeans thinking to myself, yeesh, I feel fat. 

How Crazy Is That?

I am in the same size Marilyn Monroe wore. I am voluptuous, sexy, proportioned, and even better than all of those things, I'm fit, healthy, and hearty. 

So why am I sitting here bemoaning the "spare tire" I see sitting above my waistband? Stupid magazines and TV shows. Stupid Barbie Dolls and teen idols. The worst part is, I've never had body issues. I've always been comfortable in the skin I'm in. And yet...here I am, feeling all bloated, and guilt-ridden for eating an entire bag of Cheddar Jalapenos Cheetos. 

So, I will drink this entire glass of wine, finish my Cheetos, and go do a handful of crunches. Hopefully that will assuage my guilty conscience. 

A Few of My Favorite Rants

I'm tired of Comcast boasting record breaking speeds, yet my streaming video gets disrupted a bazillion times.

I'm tired of my kid telling me he didn't mess anything up, yet after he stayed at my townhouse for a sum total of 14 hours my wireless router no longer recognizes my Internet connection.

I'm tired of my laptop screen going black for no reason.

I'm tired of people who feel the need to espouse useless information that isn't even accurate, when nobody asked them in the first place.

I'm tired of everyone having an opinion on everything! Sometimes people say stuff just because they want to get it off their chest. Or maybe they are hoping to find a sympathetic ear. They sure as hell didn't offer up their gripe so you can consistently tell them why they are an ASSHOLE!

So, three glasses of wine have apparently had no effect on my temperament tonight and I have to be up early in the morning.

Goodnight cruel world. You get this one. Let's see who emerges victorious tomorrow!

some much needed R & R

So I'm off of school for a few weeks and as of Wed will be off of work for a week and a half and next week my super awesome uncle is flying me to Vegas for New Years Eve. I am so looking forward to this. I feel like I have lost so much this year, I think I really really deserve some fun time.

Let's review:



I lost the job that told me who I was. I am in the process of losing my house. I lost my sister to Cancer, (but at least was able to reconcile with here first) but in the process, lost my family to petty BS. My 18 year old has decided he doesn't want to play by the rules anymore so I am losing him.

It's been a sucky ass year for me!

But here are the things I am thankful for (with caveats):

I got my sister back, if only for a brief moment in time (see above)
I got my bestest cousin back after 30 years (and I'm so glad to find out she's just as crazy/wonderful as me!)
I have my health (although this kick class is making me feel my age some days!)
I learned how to fall in love again (even if it was fleeting)
I have a wonderfully loving BFF who supports the hell out of me, even when I'm an asshole (even though she's a really bad influence on me and plies me with wine right before kick class!)
My BFFs children love the hell out of me, even when I tell them I have nothing for them for Xmas (and then I took them to see a movie instead, with pop and popcorn!)
I have wonderful friends who are more precious to me than any family member ever tried to be. (and I'm so glad they are all crazy/wonderful like me!)
I have two wonderfully fantastic friends who were friends of my mom's who have done more for me than they will ever know. (I feel like they have helped me get to know the woman that she was since I lost her before we got that far)
My crappy job has some fantastic perks (Pistons Suits, after hours events with drinking, hob-knobbing with impotant peeps)
The crazy Canadian Governor with the really big facial mole is paying for me to get an education so I can finally get the recognition for the skill levels I have. (even though I will never be able to find a good paying job once I get said degree!)
I was paid by DuPont long enough to have the money to buy a new car when my van finally crapped out on me. (I miss the van, but I love my little clown car!)
And last but definitely not least, I am loved by God. (though why I sometimes can't understand!)

So for now I'll cry in my wine and maybe spend a few days in bed, and then when I'm over that, I'll pack my bags and go to Vegas, where maybe I'll find a husband! Stranger things have happened!

Peace be to you during this crazy, frantic, mixed up time of the year that is supposed to be about the Savior and NOT about the savings!

Chick Lit

I'm not sure if it's my age, my marital status, my employment status or what, but I've really been getting into Chick Lit lately. I am especially fond of UK Chick Lit. Something about a bunch of girls sitting around all day smoking fags, eating biscuits and calling all their old boyfriends WANKERS really appeals to me!

If you read any good chick lit, let me know - I'd appreciate the info. I've got a list of requests in to my library for the Jen Lancaster set. Looking forward to attending her book signing in Birmingham. Check out her website if you get a chance:

http://www.jennsylvania.com/

You think you have stress???

Okay, so I thought I was making some marked improvements in handling my current situation (ie, losing my job and possibly my house and nearly my mind!)

I've been diligently forcing myself to go to the gym on my regular gym days, even if I don't feel like it. It's always nice to visit with the group of "regulars" I associate with when I'm there and also I like to take in the Arizona Dry Heat room for a little soothing heat and meditation even if I don't "work out".

I've been TRYING (mostly unsuccessfully) to stick to my eating plan. I've been hitting about 70% - but I just can't seem to keep the comfort foods off my plate!

I've been going out for drinks with the girls to keep social (and sometimes to vent, thank you girls!)

I've been trying to avoid situations that will just make me angrier/sadder/more frustrated.

I've been avoiding the news, though some of it slips through. (don't get me started about the Sect of Treasure appointment or the $871 billion dollar "stimulus" package.)

It's funny how stress can rear it's ugly (and sometimes humorous) head.

So, I disembark my vehicle upon returning from the gym the other day. I grab my bags out of the back seat, and with keys in hand, slide up the icy walk to the porch. As I approach the porch, I slide my key fob between my thumb and index finger "Hmmmm", I think to myself. "I wonder why it's not clicking?" I try this several more times, getting really perturbed when it suddenly dawns on me, "The car unlock button doesn't unlock the front door to the house!"

I quickly glance around to make sure no one witnessed my utterly STUPID act. UGH!

Once inside the house, I quickly rid myself of my bags, coat, shoes, etc and head straight for the "pharmacy". I opened a bottle of *Ghetto Neegro and dispensed 1 healthy dose of the stuff that makes it all better! Thank you God for fermented grapes!

So, at break time, I make a run for the little girls room. After taking care of business, I washed my hands and dried them with paper towel. I turned and walked over to the can to throw away my used towel. Once in front of the can, I stuck out my right leg and tapped the tiles on the floor.

Nothing happened.

I tried again.

Nothing happened.

I tried a third time, and realized mid-tap that I was trying to open the lid to my can at home, which has a foot pedal, and this one didn't!

Gah!

So, I'm going home after I'm done stealing these interwebz and dosing myself amply!

Ahhhhh, vino, the sweet nectar of avoidance and denial!

*Ghetto Neegro is my besties kids mispronunciation of our recently discovered, wonderfully tasting cheap, grocery store wine, Gato Negro, sold at a Meijer near you! Usually on sale 3/$10!