Today I will not be critical.

I bought this lovely deck of affirmation cards on a whim. I was shopping for tarot cards. Someone suggested I try $5 below as they had a few decks here and there and they would be inexpensive. As some of you may know, I experience shopping anxiety if I am in a store where the merchandise has been rearranged, if it's in disarray, or if there are hordes of other shoppers and the energy is chaotic. 

So here I am, in a store that is in disarray, full of hordes of other shoppers, and I can't find my glasses so I'm just wandering trying to find anything that looks like a tarot deck. My eye catches this lovely teal colored box, with a panda dancing on a rainbow, and I grab it and run to the cashier station.  

Story for another time, I am chagrined to see that they no longer have actual cashiers, the entire operation is now self checkout with 1 clerk supervising the shoppers. I ring up and pay for my deck and beat feet out of there.

Upon arriving home, I retrieve a spare pair of glasses and examine my treasure. What a lovely deck full of beautifully written affirmations! 

I like to offer all of my guests the opportunity to draw a card. So far, every guest has pulled a card that is oh, so relative to whatever they are managing or manifesting at that time! My son and I usually draw a daily card just to set our compasses each day. I have also gotten into the habit of having my yoga students draw a card and use that to set intentions/lessons for the class. 

"Today I will not be critical," says this morning's card. It follows with, "Today I will not be critical of my appearance or actions. I am perfect the way I am."

Boy, that is NOT where I thought that card was going to go. I assumed, upon reading that title line, that it was going to be a message about not judging others. What a reminder that criticism of others is an extension of a deep dissatisfaction with our own selves. 

How often do you hear your inner voice making harsh judgements about yourself? I often catch myself saying very demeaning things about myself. Most of these painful thoughts and ideas were planted there by others, as hurt people often hurt people. But when we are not being the best versions of ourselves, it is easy to believe and internalize these weaponized words. 

I was just watching Pretty Woman the other day and there's a line where Vivian tells Edward, "the bad stuff is easier to believe." I recalled hearing many of my superiors using the old military standard, "One 'Oh Shit!' can erase a thousand 'At-a-Boys'." Now, the math may be off by several hundreds, but the sentiment is real. The samskaras produced by negative encounters/outcomes seem to be so much stronger and more deeply entrenched than the positive encounters/outcomes. It takes a disciplined practice for most of us to counteract that negative track in our inner voice.

Practicing compassion for yourself and others can help to reverse this affect on your psyche. One of the easiest and hardest practices for cultivating compassion is the Loving Kindness, or Metta, meditation. There are many formats for this meditation, but the basic premise is to think of yourself and then those you encounter on a regular basis in a loving way, especially those with whom you've had negative encounters/outcomes. Here is the version I practice most often:

First, find a quiet space where you will be undisturbed for about 5 - 10 minutes. You may choose to sit on the floor, a meditation pillow, a sofa or any place where you can get comfortable and sit up with healthy posture. If you struggle with sitting up on your own, find a spot where you can gently lean on support, like a wall or a headboard. Set an intention that your meditation will help you cultivate compassion. You may choose to close your eyes, or light a candle and focus on the flame.

    1. Start by focusing on yourself. I like to picture myself sitting in front of me, facing me. I usually focus on my other self's third eye, the space between the brows. Then I picture myself drawing in love with each in breath, and exhaling loving kindness, surrounding my other self with that energy. Once I have surrounded myself with loving kindness and saying to myself,

        "May I be safe, May I be healthy, May I be surrounded by love, May I live in peace."

    2. Next I focus on my beloved. This can be anyone with whom you share an intimate closeness; your partner, your spouse, your lover, your best friend. Again, I like to picture them sitting in front of me and I begin with drawing in love, and sending that love out to surround them. Now say to them,

        "May you be safe, May you be healthy, May you be surrounded by love, May you live in peace."

    3. Next I think of my teacher, or teachers. Those individuals who have had a significant impact on raising my level of awareness and increasing my knowledge of myself and the world around me. My light bringers. Picturing my guides sitting in front of me and drawing and giving love/loving kindness I say to them,

        "May you be safe, May you be healthy, May you be surrounded by love, May you live in peace."

    4. After that, I think of someone with whom I have an acquaintance. Someone who I know a little about, but don't have an intimate friendship with. This person could be your letter carrier, an    attendant, a receptionist, or even the cashier at your daily coffee spot. Beginning with the receiving  and sending of love/loving kindness and then saying to them,

        "May you be safe, May you be healthy, May you be surrounded by love, May you live in peace."

    5. The next person to give love/loving kindness to is often the most difficult, but is, in my opinion, the most important, someone with whom you've had a negative experience/outcome. Picture this person who has caused you pain in the past. It could be something that recently happened, or something that you haven't been able to move on from. Take extra care to draw in enough love so that you pour from the overflow and not from your own resources, as you don't want to give away your energy, just a sharing of it. This is important with people that have hurt us, as we may have been in a relationship where we were constantly giving away our power. Once you have established your heart in love, send that love to this person or persons. Then repeat,

        "May you be safe, May you be healthy, May you be surrounded by love, May you live in peace."

    6. Finally, bring the circle back to you, always wrapping the loop back in to complete your work. Picture yourself, now beaming with love from sending all this loving kindness out into the world. Do your drawing and sending to your enlightened/glowing self and repeat as in the beginning,

        "May I be safe, May I be healthy, May I be surrounded by love, May I live in peace."

Practice this meditation as often as you can. Especially any time you notice your inner dialogue getting a little dark. 

    May you be safe, 

    May you be healthy, 

    May you be surrounded by love, 

    May you live in peace.

Namaste!

Facebook Break

There are moments in life that are meant to be shared with our friends and family. We rejoice in celebrating some of these moments together, while other moments bring us closer by sharing our pains and agonies. Facebook has been a wonderful instrument for sharing these moments. But not everyone agrees on what, when and how some of these moments are shared. 

And Facebook isn't the only medium we use to share. Some people share more than others. I use several formats of social media for both personal and professional sharing. As a self employed yoga therapist, I rely heavily on these formats to get the word out about my classes, services, and even to sell some of my handmade items. 

But as of late, I've noticed that I spend way too much time browsing and not enough time developing myself professionally, so I've decided to take a hiatus from my personal Facebook. I will continue to use my business page to share yoga news and events. I will also be using my instagram to simul-post to Twitter and Facebook. I hope to use this time saved to reflect and meditate on my future. All things being equal, I hope to realize a direction for my future with a clarity I feel I cannot achieve with my face buried in that book. 

When and if the time comes that I feel the urge to come back to the book of faces, I look forward to catching back up on all these moments. In the meantime, if you want to share any moments with me, you'll have to do it the old fashioned way.

Peace, love and applesauce, my friends.

Love and suffering

We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love. - Freud

Well, we have survived another annual holiday of suffering. Yeah, I know, it's supposed to be a holiday of amore. But more and more, all I hear from the general public is grumblings of the stress of finding the perfect gift, planning the perfect night, or for those unfortunate (or fortunate) enough to be uncoupled, there's the let down of being alone, or if self imposed, the pressure from others to be in a couple. Everywhere you turn, there are reminders of passionate love. 

But this doesn't have to create suffering. Buddha says that pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. We create the reality we live in through the energy of our thoughts, words and actions (karma). If you want to be miserable, there's pretty much nothing that will can prevent that. But if you would like to be the captain of your own dreams, learn to harness the power of your thoughts, and create that for yourself. 

Through mindful practices, you can begin to change your brain patterns and rewrite not just your future, but also your past. Meditation comes in many forms, and for those that are intimidated by the idea of sitting quietly with nothing but their thoughts, there is a method for that. 

Join me at 11 am on Sunday at Little Lotus Wellness Studio in Ferndale for "Shift Happens" a donation based meditation group. We will play with a few proven meditation methods, some you may connect with, others you may just appreciate the experience of. There's something to love for everyone! 

Come meditate with us - click here for details