Stupid is as stupid does

Isn't it Romantic?

So, I was SUPPOSED to have a weekend away at a romantic getaway with a certain someone. Instead, I got a weekend of wishing I was anywhere but here. I think it is definitely time to move on. I think I am discovering that I'm not the kind of person that sticks around. There's just never anything to keep my attention for any length of time. 

That is all for now. 

Everything Changes yet Everything Stays the Same

Just returned from a 2 week "break". I decided to try to see things thru fresh eyes. Funny, it all filters into the same images as before. Maybe next time I take a real vacation. One without computers, cell phones, appointments, schedules, etc. I need a "Calgon, take me away" kind of break. 

Facebook Wisdom of the Day #4

Oy! Right then. This explains everything!

A Few of My Favorite Rants

I'm tired of Comcast boasting record breaking speeds, yet my streaming video gets disrupted a bazillion times.

I'm tired of my kid telling me he didn't mess anything up, yet after he stayed at my townhouse for a sum total of 14 hours my wireless router no longer recognizes my Internet connection.

I'm tired of my laptop screen going black for no reason.

I'm tired of people who feel the need to espouse useless information that isn't even accurate, when nobody asked them in the first place.

I'm tired of everyone having an opinion on everything! Sometimes people say stuff just because they want to get it off their chest. Or maybe they are hoping to find a sympathetic ear. They sure as hell didn't offer up their gripe so you can consistently tell them why they are an ASSHOLE!

So, three glasses of wine have apparently had no effect on my temperament tonight and I have to be up early in the morning.

Goodnight cruel world. You get this one. Let's see who emerges victorious tomorrow!

Peer Proofing Our Essays on Banning Offensive Language In Public Spaces

So, last Wednesday, my English Comp class was divided into groups of 4 students each and we were tasked with reading one another's essays and "proofing" them. We were asked to evaluate the essays based on 7 criteria the instructor posted on the board for us to review. Not too difficult, I should think. Then I read the first one.

All I can say is...Oy to the Vay! (insert face palm here) I was once again reminded in painful detail just how inadequately secondary educators are preparing students for successful college careers. The first essay was technically correct in appearance. It consisted of 5 paragraphs, the first of which was an intro, followed by 3 evidential, or supporting, paragraphs, followed by a concluding paragraph. Each paragraph consisted of the minimum standard 3 sentences. For all intents and purposes, the paper had the look of an essay.

Then there's the content. To begin with, the student never took a position. It is her belief that since there is no real way to prevent people from saying offensive things, we should all "just get over it." That's all I'm going to say about that essay.

The next poor child was under the impression that "free speech" is someone standing at a podium and speaking, for which the listener is not required to pay a fee to hear! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!! Once I got my blood pressure back to a livable level, I wrote a few quick notes and passed her paper back. I couldn't really begin to give her advice on how to fix the technical aspects of her paper when she obviously slept thru the past 10 years of her education!

The last young lady in my group wrote an eloquent thesis on the importance of protecting the rights of all, including bigots and nut-jobs (or are those titles inter-changeable? lol) rights to express themselves. She went on to discuss how although freedom of speech gives one the right to express one's ideas, it does not mean one should haphazardly exercise that right. She discussed the moral obligation each one of us has in censoring our own selves and impressed upon the importance of considering how our expressions may effect others.

I was thoroughly impressed that she was able to articulate her thoughts and backed them with a few references, although she failed to site them in her rough draft. I was able to leave a few notes for her on places where the technical aspects of her essay needed to be tended to, as well as leaving a few devil's advocate gems for her to think about when doing the final draft.

Then I received my own paper back from the team. Other than two spots where they noticed (as I had already discussed with the BFF) that the content wandered a bit off topic, they didn't have anything critical to say. They jotted down a few encouraging comments about how much they liked my essay and that was it. Well, except for one comment. I nearly fell over with laughter when I realized what she was trying to say. She was commenting on a line in my essay where I describe how campus restrictions on language would make for a "kinder, gentler learning environment" and my "peer" wrote down a suggested alternative as "could be 'more gentle learning environment'" - okay, I had to remind myself that anyone under 35 years of age would not be apt to get the George H. W. Bush reference there. So, there's that! lol

I will post up my essay as soon as I get the graded on back from the instructor and have had an opportunity to correct any major failures.

Thanks for listening!

Nightmares at the gym

So, remember that nightmare you have were you are standing in front of a large crowd and you realize you are naked? Oh, you've never had that one? That must be my nightmare then. Yikes!

Today my dreams finally came true! Sort of. Well, not really, but here's what happened, you be the judge.

Usually after my work out, I like to spread out on a towel in the Arizona Dry Heat Room. I put a towel over my head to block out the light, pop on some meditative music on the iPod and float away into my Arizona dreams...I usually stay around 50 - 60 minutes...til the 140* heat causes my eyelids to stick to my dried out eyeballs!

Now, before you give me some lecture about that not being very healthy and how you're only supposed to stay for up to 20 minutes, let me explain that I gradually worked my way up to that amount of time...I am perfectly fine in there! I've monitored my blood pressure and everything is A-OK!

Afterwards, I like to stretch out on a chaise in the pool room, cover up with my blanket sized towel, replace the towel over my eyes and continue listening to my iPod til my temperature and pulse return to normal. I like to be completely cooled down before I get into the shower. Nothing worse than getting out of the shower and you're still sweaty! Eww Yuck!

Today, as I'm lying there listening to whales mating or rain forest bats eating bugs or some other new age fluff, the pool attendant comes in and loudly proclaims that everyone must exit the pool room. She then turns around without explanation and disappears back into the work out room. We all look at each other rather befuddled and bewildered. Nobody is sure what she means or why.

I get all my things together and walk into the locker room to find out what is going on. A few of the ladies tug their clothing on over wet bathing suits and head for the door. A few others just go back to their beauty routines and gossipping. I ask the lady using the locker next to mine what this is all about. She says she's not sure, but she heard they want us all dressed and out of there.

Well, I was soaked in sweat. There was no way I was going outside in that condition. I figured as long as it was going to take some of those old birds to get dressed, I could get in and out of the shower and still beat them out the door. So I grabbed my toilette and towels and headed back in. I was in the military for 12 years...I can shit, shower and shave faster than anyone I know! I was in and out in about two minutes and back at my locker before my old friend got her duffel bag out and opened.

So I grab my lotion and start slathering it on as fast as I can and just as I draw a stream of it across my arm and onto my chest, the entire Harper Woods Fire Department walks past my locker! Holy Toledo! The locker room attendant yells, "man on deck!" and gives me a dirty look as she saunters on by and says, "I told you to get dressed!"

Well, I can only imagine what my face must have looked like from the other side! I was utterly flabbergasted! The old gal next to me started laughing so hard her uppers slid out! Another old bird walked out of one of the dressing booths only half clad and said, "hell, I ain't got nuttin dem boys ain't seen afore!" Well, maybe she's right, but most of those boys were under 25 and I'm sure they hadn't seen it like she was showing it! lol

The old gal next to me dropped her towel to the floor and proceeded to get dressed as if it was just another day at the gym! I modestly opted to grab my garments and head for the nearest changing booth. They may have seen it before, but they weren't gonna be mortified by mine! hahaha

Turns out one of the guests thought she smelled Carbon Monoxide. Now before you say it, yes, we all know you can't smell Carbon Monoxide, but that's what she kept insisting on...Based on the high standard of sanitation of the staff, I'd say she probably smelled the years and layers of dust/hair/grime burning off the heat vent slats when the hot room fans turn on. It's no wonder they are closing down that location at the end of the month.

Publik Skule

On my way to the gym this morning, the local station was discussing the financial situation of Flint Public Schools. If you aren't familiar with Flint, MI, let's just say, same as Detroit, but on a smaller scale. So the reporter seemed to be quoting some council member of some sort, a Flint Public School Board member if I had to guess, and read the following: (I've paraphrased)

"Flint will be closing 8 schools at the end of the year. Closing 1/3 of our 35 schools will save us $3.9MM."

Apparently, Flint Public Schools will not be expected to churn out any Mathletes any time soon!

For those who aren't sure what to do with the internet

http://youshouldhaveseenthis.com/

RISK FREE TRIAL

This morning Nellie stops me in the cafeteria and asks how I am doing. Now, this is like asking the widow at a funeral home how SHE is doing. We know it's a stupid question. We know the answer before we ask it, and yet we can't help ourselves, can we?

So, I reply that I am doing as well as can be expected. I'm not going to lie to her, but I'm not going to lay it all on her, either. She was really only trying to be polite. It's not like we're pals or anything.

So then I tell her about China and Darfur and all of that. She tells me I must have a lot of courage to be contemplating such assignments. I don't really feel courageous, I just feel like I have the skills needed and nothing to keep me from it, so...

Then she pulls me closer and in hushed tones says, "Maybe you would know how to help me!"

I'm intrigued. So I ask her to elaborate.

She then tells me that she got into some trouble. See, what happened is, she was on the interwebs interwebbing, and she saw this advert for a risk free trial of Acai Berry. It was just $10 for the shipping and handling, so she decided to try it. Five months later, she noticed that she was being charge $79/month for the stuff.

**First of all, friends and family, do yourselves a flavor and check your dang statements EVERY month. Scrutinize those puppies! Every day there are stories in the news about identity theft. With all the technology available, you should be checking this stuff online every few days. You should be able to identify unrequested charges immediately and report them to your banks and/or credit card companies immediately!**

It took her several attempts to cancel, she was either kept on hold for long periods of time or couldn't get thru the links on the Internet web-site.

Finally, she was able to cancel her subscription for the product, but now she wants to know how she can get her money back?

Let me tell you what Ms. Sally always told me,

"If it seems to good to be true, it probably is."

and

"There's no such thing as a free lunch!"


There's this thing called GOOGLE. Learn how to use it and save yourself much heartache and many $$$

There are over 130,000 possible matches on Google for "acai berry risk free trial" and 32,500 for "acai berry risk free trial scam"

Page after page of consumer complaints. There's even an account about how even if you cancel out of the risk free trial order form without ordering, they will track you down and hound you for an order.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU INTERWEB!!!

I have the BESTEST friends in the whole wide world!

A very good friend called the other night and said she had something she was sending me in the mail that would be VERY useful for when I go on job interviews. Knowing this friend it could be just about anything, I mean really, she is WAY out there. But considering the seriousness of my current economic and employment position, I assumed she'd send me some handy "list of things not to forget when going on an interview" or some book on "interview tips for dummies" or something of that nature.

So when I opened up the package and found the t-shirt pictured above, I thought, "You know what they say about ASS-uming!" And then I proceeded to have a 15 minute fit of hard, rib bruising, tears-streaming-down-my-face, hysterical laughter.

Better than 1, you MADE MY DECADE!!!!

I LOVE my friends!

there is no more, I just forgot to remove the HTML! psych!

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Lord,

Teach me to love all Your blessed children.

I know You love each and every one of Your creations.

And I know You must especially love stupid people, otherwise you wouldn't have made so many of them.

Amen.

Stupidity is its own Punishment

an excerpt from a post on a blog I follow:


the key to understanding stupid people is to realize that they are not bright enough to know how stupid they truly are. Somewhere on the brain gene, there is a tiny cluster that causes the profoundly moronic to be unable to grasp the full scope of their own moronitude; thus keeping them from throwing themselves under moving locomotives in despair. It is an evolutionary blessing, really. After all, if all of the lack-wits offed themselves due to the knowledge of their own stunted cognitive state, who would deliver my pizza, ask if I want fries with that, or make up the voting body of the Republican party?


http://banana-slug.blogspot.com/

Public Tinkle Tip Of The Day

Now that I am spending all my free time borrowing interwebs from Wi-Fi hot spots, I'm learning a thing or two bout public pottying. Maybe you savvy public pee-ers already knew these things, but being an orphan, I can only say that I have had to learn these things on my own.

So here's today's tip: (Not for the feint of heart - You've been warned!)


Make sure you take your toilet paper before you pull your pants down and assume the position. It makes all the difference when your old, out of shape, thighs begin to wobble from the strain, and then you discover the roller is just slightly out of reach, and as you lean over you realize you're gonna "dribble" on your trousers...lol

Plus, this way you will find out before you hang yourself out there, whether there is any paper in the stall!

Just looking out for my BFFs and peeps!