How Crazy Is That?

This is how ridiculously outrageous our society's sense of beauty has impacted practically logical people: After years of battling with weight issues, at one time getting up to a whopping size 22, I am sitting here in my size 12 jeans thinking to myself, yeesh, I feel fat. 

How Crazy Is That?

I am in the same size Marilyn Monroe wore. I am voluptuous, sexy, proportioned, and even better than all of those things, I'm fit, healthy, and hearty. 

So why am I sitting here bemoaning the "spare tire" I see sitting above my waistband? Stupid magazines and TV shows. Stupid Barbie Dolls and teen idols. The worst part is, I've never had body issues. I've always been comfortable in the skin I'm in. And yet...here I am, feeling all bloated, and guilt-ridden for eating an entire bag of Cheddar Jalapenos Cheetos. 

So, I will drink this entire glass of wine, finish my Cheetos, and go do a handful of crunches. Hopefully that will assuage my guilty conscience. 

You think you have stress???

Okay, so I thought I was making some marked improvements in handling my current situation (ie, losing my job and possibly my house and nearly my mind!)

I've been diligently forcing myself to go to the gym on my regular gym days, even if I don't feel like it. It's always nice to visit with the group of "regulars" I associate with when I'm there and also I like to take in the Arizona Dry Heat room for a little soothing heat and meditation even if I don't "work out".

I've been TRYING (mostly unsuccessfully) to stick to my eating plan. I've been hitting about 70% - but I just can't seem to keep the comfort foods off my plate!

I've been going out for drinks with the girls to keep social (and sometimes to vent, thank you girls!)

I've been trying to avoid situations that will just make me angrier/sadder/more frustrated.

I've been avoiding the news, though some of it slips through. (don't get me started about the Sect of Treasure appointment or the $871 billion dollar "stimulus" package.)

It's funny how stress can rear it's ugly (and sometimes humorous) head.

So, I disembark my vehicle upon returning from the gym the other day. I grab my bags out of the back seat, and with keys in hand, slide up the icy walk to the porch. As I approach the porch, I slide my key fob between my thumb and index finger "Hmmmm", I think to myself. "I wonder why it's not clicking?" I try this several more times, getting really perturbed when it suddenly dawns on me, "The car unlock button doesn't unlock the front door to the house!"

I quickly glance around to make sure no one witnessed my utterly STUPID act. UGH!

Once inside the house, I quickly rid myself of my bags, coat, shoes, etc and head straight for the "pharmacy". I opened a bottle of *Ghetto Neegro and dispensed 1 healthy dose of the stuff that makes it all better! Thank you God for fermented grapes!

So, at break time, I make a run for the little girls room. After taking care of business, I washed my hands and dried them with paper towel. I turned and walked over to the can to throw away my used towel. Once in front of the can, I stuck out my right leg and tapped the tiles on the floor.

Nothing happened.

I tried again.

Nothing happened.

I tried a third time, and realized mid-tap that I was trying to open the lid to my can at home, which has a foot pedal, and this one didn't!

Gah!

So, I'm going home after I'm done stealing these interwebz and dosing myself amply!

Ahhhhh, vino, the sweet nectar of avoidance and denial!

*Ghetto Neegro is my besties kids mispronunciation of our recently discovered, wonderfully tasting cheap, grocery store wine, Gato Negro, sold at a Meijer near you! Usually on sale 3/$10!

Party Success!

(A letter to my fellow weight watchers)

How I survived the graduation party...

It's been intensely stressful around the automotive plants in Michigan lately. What with everyone looking over their shoulder wondering who's going to be tapped and who's going to be left holding the bag. So it goes without saying that we need to be extra vigilant in preparing ourselves to resist the temptation of stress eating, especially in party situations. Our Weight Watchers leader gave our group a set of tools that will help us successfully watch our weight while on vacations and at large gatherings. I had the opportunity to put most of them to work this weekend.

Here's what happened:
I had a family graduation party. This particular aunt is Italian, so it goes without saying that there was ample opportunity to "mange". In addition, she has these two friends, sisters, also Italian, and they usually help cater her affairs. And man, can these ladies cook. So, I arrive at the party and walk into the garage just as they are setting up the food tables. They had sweet and sour meatballs, creamy chicken, pasta salad, mostaccioli with real freshly grated Parmesan, au graten potatoes, baked beans, sausage and sauerkraut, home made biscuits, as well as a large bowl of mixed fruit and several relish trays and veggie trays. The tables are covered in assorted munchies and dips. The dessert table is already covered with an assortment of mini cream puffs, some chocolate dipped, some white chocolate dipped and two HUGE trays covered in home made cupcakes, one tray frosted in chocolate with white chocolate drizzle, the other covered in white chocolate with chocolate drizzle. The smell of the frosting assaults you 5 feet from the table...mmmmmmm.

Well, knowing that I did not want to give myself the opportunity to fail, I prepared myself ahead of time. I did the exercise where you visualize the food, smell the food, taste the food. I made the decision that I would taste everything on the dinner table, but skip the bread, which I usually don't do, I LOVE bread! I did not want to get there and then feel short-handed by limiting myself to only a few items. I didn't want to feel left out or deprived. I sat down and figured out the points value of the foods I knew they were going to have. I went for a run in the morning to earn a few extra points in case there was something there I didn't figure into my points. I also armed myself against the possibility that I would graze the munchies by making myself a bowl of fresh hummus. I baked myself a bowl of low-fat, whole wheat pita pieces and utilized the veggie trays when the urge got the better of me.

When it came time to eat, I served myself one table spoon of each of the delectable offerings. I chewed slowly and purposefully and was quite full and satisfied. I made it a point to play with the kids most of the day. They kept me busy and active, so I wouldn't spend a lot of time lingering and revisiting the food tables. I only sat down long enough to eat, this way, I didn't put myself in danger of mindlessly dipping into the snack bowls. When they brought in the sheet cake and started cutting, I took a deep breath. I avoided the cake at a fellow employee's retirement party earlier in the week, but would I be able to resist this? I wasn't given the opportunity. Before I could say, "Hey, can you cut a few smaller slices?" I was handed a 1/4 pound chunk and a fork by an overzealous "helper". I decided that I had accumulated enough extra points that I could afford a few bites. One, two, three, four...Oh My God! How can I get myself out of this? Two year old, to the rescue!!! I looked up and there was Ava, my cousin's little girl. "Bite? Bite?" she beckoned. Oh, Thank, You, Jesus! I couldn't have snuck another bite in even if I had wanted one!

Later, when I felt a magnetic draw to the dessert table to sneak a cream puff, I was met with an empty plate! The Skinny God's where looking after me! The cupcakes were easier to resist...the little kids weren't replacing the plastic wrap properly, and the flies were having a feast, eww, yuck! Time for cocktails! Oh, Joy! Just as they were about to pour, the little ones came a beggin' rides on the four wheeler! Salvation! I hopped on and spent the next hour and a half obliging every kid there with a ride around the ranch. By the time I was done, the party was winding down, the sun was setting, it was time for good-byes. I rode home with the satisfying feeling that I had eaten everything I wanted.

Michele = 1
Battle of the Bulge = 0