How Crazy Is That?

This is how ridiculously outrageous our society's sense of beauty has impacted practically logical people: After years of battling with weight issues, at one time getting up to a whopping size 22, I am sitting here in my size 12 jeans thinking to myself, yeesh, I feel fat. 

How Crazy Is That?

I am in the same size Marilyn Monroe wore. I am voluptuous, sexy, proportioned, and even better than all of those things, I'm fit, healthy, and hearty. 

So why am I sitting here bemoaning the "spare tire" I see sitting above my waistband? Stupid magazines and TV shows. Stupid Barbie Dolls and teen idols. The worst part is, I've never had body issues. I've always been comfortable in the skin I'm in. And yet...here I am, feeling all bloated, and guilt-ridden for eating an entire bag of Cheddar Jalapenos Cheetos. 

So, I will drink this entire glass of wine, finish my Cheetos, and go do a handful of crunches. Hopefully that will assuage my guilty conscience. 

Everything Changes yet Everything Stays the Same

Just returned from a 2 week "break". I decided to try to see things thru fresh eyes. Funny, it all filters into the same images as before. Maybe next time I take a real vacation. One without computers, cell phones, appointments, schedules, etc. I need a "Calgon, take me away" kind of break. 

FML

crappy days, i has it

A Few of My Favorite Rants

I'm tired of Comcast boasting record breaking speeds, yet my streaming video gets disrupted a bazillion times.

I'm tired of my kid telling me he didn't mess anything up, yet after he stayed at my townhouse for a sum total of 14 hours my wireless router no longer recognizes my Internet connection.

I'm tired of my laptop screen going black for no reason.

I'm tired of people who feel the need to espouse useless information that isn't even accurate, when nobody asked them in the first place.

I'm tired of everyone having an opinion on everything! Sometimes people say stuff just because they want to get it off their chest. Or maybe they are hoping to find a sympathetic ear. They sure as hell didn't offer up their gripe so you can consistently tell them why they are an ASSHOLE!

So, three glasses of wine have apparently had no effect on my temperament tonight and I have to be up early in the morning.

Goodnight cruel world. You get this one. Let's see who emerges victorious tomorrow!

Birthday Smirthday

So, Wednesday marks 41 times around the sun for me. Big whoop. I'm really not afraid of that number. I'm not angry about the stiffness in my joints every morning. I'm not resentful of the fact that I have to squint a little to read the Sunday crossword. I'm not even upset about the handful of white hairs that have suddenly popped up around my hairline. I'm not a vain person. I have always embraced the idea of growing older, always looked forward to proudly wearing my wrinkles earned through a full life. It's everything else attached to my birthday that makes me want to crawl in a cave and hide til next week.

My little sister was born in the middle of my 3rd birthday party and I've had very few pleasant birthday memories since. And now that she's gone I can't think of my birthday without thinking about her. And I can't think about her without thinking about all the crap attached to that.

Plus, thinking about my birthday makes me have to think about how yet another year has gone by and I'm further away from where I thought I'd be by now. I just wish my birthday would go away.

I'm really trying to get to the place where I can let all this go. I know I should be grateful for the blessings I have instead of being hung up on what I don't have. If you have any hints or tips on how to do that, let me know.

Busy as Sheet cake!

This is just a post to say that I have at least 5 posts stored up in my head and no time to lay them out...I need a secretary!

Nightmares at the gym

So, remember that nightmare you have were you are standing in front of a large crowd and you realize you are naked? Oh, you've never had that one? That must be my nightmare then. Yikes!

Today my dreams finally came true! Sort of. Well, not really, but here's what happened, you be the judge.

Usually after my work out, I like to spread out on a towel in the Arizona Dry Heat Room. I put a towel over my head to block out the light, pop on some meditative music on the iPod and float away into my Arizona dreams...I usually stay around 50 - 60 minutes...til the 140* heat causes my eyelids to stick to my dried out eyeballs!

Now, before you give me some lecture about that not being very healthy and how you're only supposed to stay for up to 20 minutes, let me explain that I gradually worked my way up to that amount of time...I am perfectly fine in there! I've monitored my blood pressure and everything is A-OK!

Afterwards, I like to stretch out on a chaise in the pool room, cover up with my blanket sized towel, replace the towel over my eyes and continue listening to my iPod til my temperature and pulse return to normal. I like to be completely cooled down before I get into the shower. Nothing worse than getting out of the shower and you're still sweaty! Eww Yuck!

Today, as I'm lying there listening to whales mating or rain forest bats eating bugs or some other new age fluff, the pool attendant comes in and loudly proclaims that everyone must exit the pool room. She then turns around without explanation and disappears back into the work out room. We all look at each other rather befuddled and bewildered. Nobody is sure what she means or why.

I get all my things together and walk into the locker room to find out what is going on. A few of the ladies tug their clothing on over wet bathing suits and head for the door. A few others just go back to their beauty routines and gossipping. I ask the lady using the locker next to mine what this is all about. She says she's not sure, but she heard they want us all dressed and out of there.

Well, I was soaked in sweat. There was no way I was going outside in that condition. I figured as long as it was going to take some of those old birds to get dressed, I could get in and out of the shower and still beat them out the door. So I grabbed my toilette and towels and headed back in. I was in the military for 12 years...I can shit, shower and shave faster than anyone I know! I was in and out in about two minutes and back at my locker before my old friend got her duffel bag out and opened.

So I grab my lotion and start slathering it on as fast as I can and just as I draw a stream of it across my arm and onto my chest, the entire Harper Woods Fire Department walks past my locker! Holy Toledo! The locker room attendant yells, "man on deck!" and gives me a dirty look as she saunters on by and says, "I told you to get dressed!"

Well, I can only imagine what my face must have looked like from the other side! I was utterly flabbergasted! The old gal next to me started laughing so hard her uppers slid out! Another old bird walked out of one of the dressing booths only half clad and said, "hell, I ain't got nuttin dem boys ain't seen afore!" Well, maybe she's right, but most of those boys were under 25 and I'm sure they hadn't seen it like she was showing it! lol

The old gal next to me dropped her towel to the floor and proceeded to get dressed as if it was just another day at the gym! I modestly opted to grab my garments and head for the nearest changing booth. They may have seen it before, but they weren't gonna be mortified by mine! hahaha

Turns out one of the guests thought she smelled Carbon Monoxide. Now before you say it, yes, we all know you can't smell Carbon Monoxide, but that's what she kept insisting on...Based on the high standard of sanitation of the staff, I'd say she probably smelled the years and layers of dust/hair/grime burning off the heat vent slats when the hot room fans turn on. It's no wonder they are closing down that location at the end of the month.

F*** My Life

Today, I was turned down for the China job because I selfishly chose to raise my child with no support from his father or the government and worked my behind off financing really expensive christian education for said child instead of spending the money on finishing my education. My child is graduating this May with a 1.5 GPA. Since I lost my job, I won't be able to pay for his college either. FML

Final Countdown

9 working days left...




This really sucks!!!

Weekend Movie Reviews

So we rented a coupla movies last night. Here's the scoop:

Vicky Christina Barcelona - written and directed by Woody Allen - need I say more! lol Starring Penelope Cruz, Patricia Clarkson, Scarlett Johansson, & Javier Bardem.




The movie ended, Nik looked over at me and sez, "I'm pretty sure I liked it, but if you asked me what I just watched, I'd be hard pressed to describe it!"

lolol

Typical of Woody - who I'm sure must walk around with a perpetual one! lol

It was interesting, though the story was a typical Allen romp thru sexual depravity. I just wish they had displayed more of the beauty of Barcelona. The cinematography left much to be desired. It is a story of two friends that spend the summer in Barcelona and all the fun that ensues.

Penelope Cruz played an awesome psychotic Spaniard, as usual!

I give it 3 rages.

The next movie was a Lions Gate film called The Lucky Ones, starring Tim Robbins, Michael Pena and Rachel McAdams.

The story was not well written, but the acting and directing made up for it. It is the story of three wounded Iraq War vets on leave and how they deal with the fallout of what their time in the sandbox has caused, emotionally, financially, and most obviously, physically.

They travel across the country, each with a separate goal in mind. These goals change as they evolve through their experiences.

I nearly cried. It was worth the watch if you've been personally touched by the war, or any other similar experience. Other wise, I can't imagine really understanding what these three are going through.

I give this one 3.5 Rages

Oh, and my car died today...the Karma World Tour just keeps on blasting thru my life! Yeah!

You think you have stress???

Okay, so I thought I was making some marked improvements in handling my current situation (ie, losing my job and possibly my house and nearly my mind!)

I've been diligently forcing myself to go to the gym on my regular gym days, even if I don't feel like it. It's always nice to visit with the group of "regulars" I associate with when I'm there and also I like to take in the Arizona Dry Heat room for a little soothing heat and meditation even if I don't "work out".

I've been TRYING (mostly unsuccessfully) to stick to my eating plan. I've been hitting about 70% - but I just can't seem to keep the comfort foods off my plate!

I've been going out for drinks with the girls to keep social (and sometimes to vent, thank you girls!)

I've been trying to avoid situations that will just make me angrier/sadder/more frustrated.

I've been avoiding the news, though some of it slips through. (don't get me started about the Sect of Treasure appointment or the $871 billion dollar "stimulus" package.)

It's funny how stress can rear it's ugly (and sometimes humorous) head.

So, I disembark my vehicle upon returning from the gym the other day. I grab my bags out of the back seat, and with keys in hand, slide up the icy walk to the porch. As I approach the porch, I slide my key fob between my thumb and index finger "Hmmmm", I think to myself. "I wonder why it's not clicking?" I try this several more times, getting really perturbed when it suddenly dawns on me, "The car unlock button doesn't unlock the front door to the house!"

I quickly glance around to make sure no one witnessed my utterly STUPID act. UGH!

Once inside the house, I quickly rid myself of my bags, coat, shoes, etc and head straight for the "pharmacy". I opened a bottle of *Ghetto Neegro and dispensed 1 healthy dose of the stuff that makes it all better! Thank you God for fermented grapes!

So, at break time, I make a run for the little girls room. After taking care of business, I washed my hands and dried them with paper towel. I turned and walked over to the can to throw away my used towel. Once in front of the can, I stuck out my right leg and tapped the tiles on the floor.

Nothing happened.

I tried again.

Nothing happened.

I tried a third time, and realized mid-tap that I was trying to open the lid to my can at home, which has a foot pedal, and this one didn't!

Gah!

So, I'm going home after I'm done stealing these interwebz and dosing myself amply!

Ahhhhh, vino, the sweet nectar of avoidance and denial!

*Ghetto Neegro is my besties kids mispronunciation of our recently discovered, wonderfully tasting cheap, grocery store wine, Gato Negro, sold at a Meijer near you! Usually on sale 3/$10!