I Am

Here's something I've been working on since my violent ejection from the corporate world: releasing attachments. 

Currently I am re-reading Ram Das, Polishing the Mirror. I am remembering the advantages of living a life free of attachments. How quickly we can become complacent when we are miserable in our own skin. The Rat Race cultivates a culture of "do more" and "be less". I didn't fit in it when I was younger and less aware. And I definitely do not fit in it now, as I have lived a liberated life, and the amount of anesthetic it takes to forget that truth is toxic. Not only to your physical and emotional wellbeing, but you mental health as well, which mine vascilates from healthy to unhealthy pretty quickly these days. Eventually, your spiritual well-being is tossed into the pit and you just become a little less human with each passing week. 

Bleek, eh? I have a dark, edgy side that is usually just waiting for a biorhythmically low day to rear her ugly head. I haven't been sleeping well since I discovered the identity of my biological father, so my defenses are limited. I've barely had the bandwidth for self care these days. Thank Ganesha for my yoga classes so I am at least socializing a few times a week!

Anyways, the reason I popped in here tonight, as I said earlier, I'm re-reading Ram Das and I just love the line, 

    "I am" includes the fact that I do beautiful things and I do crappy things. And I am." 

The next section is titled, "I'd Rather Be Than Be Right." where he explains that by judging others, you are ranking yourself among others to see where you stand relative to them. This creates separation, which closes off your heart. This creates a perpetuation of their suffering and yours. Only by shifting away from the judging to a place where you can appreciate yours and their predicament open hearted can this open heartedness allow you to just be, without separatedness.

I know, deep, right? The Maharaj-ji tought that we should "love everyone, there is only one." I am you and you are me. We are everyone else. There is only one. That's a hard pill to swallow when you have endured a life time of trauma. Even if you've had years of therapy, councelling, teaching, meditation and self-awareness training to help you move past the trauma and function in society. Perhaps it's just that for some of us, completeness is not possible in this lifetime. For now the best we can hope for is to surround ourselves with the best support system and focus on the things in our lives that we DO want to expand!

Where intention goes, energy flows~~

Namaste