Spinning Wheel

SPINNING WHEEL
D. Clayton / Thomas)
Blood, Sweat, & Tears - 1969

What goes up must come down
Spinning wheel got to go 'round
Talking 'bout your troubles it's a crying sin
Ride a painted pony let the Spinning wheel spin

You got no money and you got no home
Spinning wheel all alone
Talking 'bout your troubles and you never learn
Ride a painted pony let the Spinning wheel turn

Did you find the directing sign on the
Straight and narrow highway
Would you mind a reflecting sign
Just let it shine within your mind
And show you the colours that are real

Someone is waiting just for you
Spinning wheel, Spinning true
Drop all your troubles by the riverside
(1: Catch a painted pony on the spinning wheel ride)
(2: Ride a painted pony let the spinning wheel fly)

Okay, so you wanna know what that has to do with me?

I currently aspire to be spinning my wheels. I'd give anything to at least have that much momentum. Spinning wheels would indicate the engaging of gears of some kind, something I currently can't find the motivation to achieve. I feel like I'm stuck in neutral, just waiting for some source of energy to start me in any direction.

Oh, occasionally some force makes contact with me and I go careening off to complete some task, grocery shopping, a birthday party, a committee meeting. But when the source of motion is long gone, I come to rest again.

Once in awhile I even get to feel the joy of being pushed over the top of a hill. These moments are actually exhilarating. I soon pick up speed, maybe fix my hair, put on some make-up. I really engage with my surroundings. But once again, after the momentum is gone, I come to rest and cannot seem to initiate motion again on my own.

To put it succinctly, this really sucks! I am in such a funk and I can't seem to rescue myself. I pray, I promise, I even try to bribe myself. I make plans, set goals, create to-do lists. But without an outside source of forward momentum, I lay motionless. It's really becoming pitiful.

I thought once the weather improved I would snap out of it, but that hasn't happened yet. I had hoped to get in the motor home and go visiting for a while, but with the transmission leaking, I don't dare take a chance, and my mechanic has been incommunicado for almost a week now so no sign of when that will be repaired.

I have my appointment at the Michigan Works office next week. Maybe that will bring the resolution I have been waiting for to get me out of this blah blah land that I am living in. Hopefully they will have good news for me.

Dear God, It's me, Michele. Please help me to contribute to society in a positive way. Please help me to feel valued. Please comfort me in my times of darkness and despair. I know that you have plans for me. Please help me to be patient in learning what those plans are and give me the courage to go in the direction you are leading me.
Amen