Today I will not be critical.

I bought this lovely deck of affirmation cards on a whim. I was shopping for tarot cards. Someone suggested I try $5 below as they had a few decks here and there and they would be inexpensive. As some of you may know, I experience shopping anxiety if I am in a store where the merchandise has been rearranged, if it's in disarray, or if there are hordes of other shoppers and the energy is chaotic. 

So here I am, in a store that is in disarray, full of hordes of other shoppers, and I can't find my glasses so I'm just wandering trying to find anything that looks like a tarot deck. My eye catches this lovely teal colored box, with a panda dancing on a rainbow, and I grab it and run to the cashier station.  

Story for another time, I am chagrined to see that they no longer have actual cashiers, the entire operation is now self checkout with 1 clerk supervising the shoppers. I ring up and pay for my deck and beat feet out of there.

Upon arriving home, I retrieve a spare pair of glasses and examine my treasure. What a lovely deck full of beautifully written affirmations! 

I like to offer all of my guests the opportunity to draw a card. So far, every guest has pulled a card that is oh, so relative to whatever they are managing or manifesting at that time! My son and I usually draw a daily card just to set our compasses each day. I have also gotten into the habit of having my yoga students draw a card and use that to set intentions/lessons for the class. 

"Today I will not be critical," says this morning's card. It follows with, "Today I will not be critical of my appearance or actions. I am perfect the way I am."

Boy, that is NOT where I thought that card was going to go. I assumed, upon reading that title line, that it was going to be a message about not judging others. What a reminder that criticism of others is an extension of a deep dissatisfaction with our own selves. 

How often do you hear your inner voice making harsh judgements about yourself? I often catch myself saying very demeaning things about myself. Most of these painful thoughts and ideas were planted there by others, as hurt people often hurt people. But when we are not being the best versions of ourselves, it is easy to believe and internalize these weaponized words. 

I was just watching Pretty Woman the other day and there's a line where Vivian tells Edward, "the bad stuff is easier to believe." I recalled hearing many of my superiors using the old military standard, "One 'Oh Shit!' can erase a thousand 'At-a-Boys'." Now, the math may be off by several hundreds, but the sentiment is real. The samskaras produced by negative encounters/outcomes seem to be so much stronger and more deeply entrenched than the positive encounters/outcomes. It takes a disciplined practice for most of us to counteract that negative track in our inner voice.

Practicing compassion for yourself and others can help to reverse this affect on your psyche. One of the easiest and hardest practices for cultivating compassion is the Loving Kindness, or Metta, meditation. There are many formats for this meditation, but the basic premise is to think of yourself and then those you encounter on a regular basis in a loving way, especially those with whom you've had negative encounters/outcomes. Here is the version I practice most often:

First, find a quiet space where you will be undisturbed for about 5 - 10 minutes. You may choose to sit on the floor, a meditation pillow, a sofa or any place where you can get comfortable and sit up with healthy posture. If you struggle with sitting up on your own, find a spot where you can gently lean on support, like a wall or a headboard. Set an intention that your meditation will help you cultivate compassion. You may choose to close your eyes, or light a candle and focus on the flame.

    1. Start by focusing on yourself. I like to picture myself sitting in front of me, facing me. I usually focus on my other self's third eye, the space between the brows. Then I picture myself drawing in love with each in breath, and exhaling loving kindness, surrounding my other self with that energy. Once I have surrounded myself with loving kindness and saying to myself,

        "May I be safe, May I be healthy, May I be surrounded by love, May I live in peace."

    2. Next I focus on my beloved. This can be anyone with whom you share an intimate closeness; your partner, your spouse, your lover, your best friend. Again, I like to picture them sitting in front of me and I begin with drawing in love, and sending that love out to surround them. Now say to them,

        "May you be safe, May you be healthy, May you be surrounded by love, May you live in peace."

    3. Next I think of my teacher, or teachers. Those individuals who have had a significant impact on raising my level of awareness and increasing my knowledge of myself and the world around me. My light bringers. Picturing my guides sitting in front of me and drawing and giving love/loving kindness I say to them,

        "May you be safe, May you be healthy, May you be surrounded by love, May you live in peace."

    4. After that, I think of someone with whom I have an acquaintance. Someone who I know a little about, but don't have an intimate friendship with. This person could be your letter carrier, an    attendant, a receptionist, or even the cashier at your daily coffee spot. Beginning with the receiving  and sending of love/loving kindness and then saying to them,

        "May you be safe, May you be healthy, May you be surrounded by love, May you live in peace."

    5. The next person to give love/loving kindness to is often the most difficult, but is, in my opinion, the most important, someone with whom you've had a negative experience/outcome. Picture this person who has caused you pain in the past. It could be something that recently happened, or something that you haven't been able to move on from. Take extra care to draw in enough love so that you pour from the overflow and not from your own resources, as you don't want to give away your energy, just a sharing of it. This is important with people that have hurt us, as we may have been in a relationship where we were constantly giving away our power. Once you have established your heart in love, send that love to this person or persons. Then repeat,

        "May you be safe, May you be healthy, May you be surrounded by love, May you live in peace."

    6. Finally, bring the circle back to you, always wrapping the loop back in to complete your work. Picture yourself, now beaming with love from sending all this loving kindness out into the world. Do your drawing and sending to your enlightened/glowing self and repeat as in the beginning,

        "May I be safe, May I be healthy, May I be surrounded by love, May I live in peace."

Practice this meditation as often as you can. Especially any time you notice your inner dialogue getting a little dark. 

    May you be safe, 

    May you be healthy, 

    May you be surrounded by love, 

    May you live in peace.

Namaste!

Thanks!

Thanks!

It's the one and only word that always comes with a memory - the memory of something good, something thoughtful, something helpful. Said from the heart, it's the best word to celebrate great endings or new beginnings. And it's not just a word, but everything it means: " I noticed..." "I'm grateful..." "You made a difference..." "I appreciate you, and all that you do."

I found the above written in one of my notebooks. If you are the author or you know the correct reference, please let me know in the comments so I can attribute it properly.

Socrates said, "You are not only good to yourself, but the cause of goodness in others."

Gratitude is one of those magical things, like watermelon seeds and acorns, that is such a small thing, but holds within it so much potential. It takes almost no energy at all to say thanks. Offering your appreciation to others is one of the easiest formulas for increasing a whole list of things, love, friendships, abundance, opportunities, etc. Did your lights turn on when you flicked on the switch this morning? Aren't you lucky! Clean water to drink? Amazing. It isn't difficult to find things to be thankful for. 

"It is not joy that makes us grateful, it's gratitude that makes us feel joy," Brene Brown

It's almost impossible to open any social media without being peppered with messages about how cultivating an "attitude of gratitude" will improve your situation. There are a plethora of apps for journaling your gratitude and keeping track of all the good you have in your life. 

"It is one of the beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of the 5 Love Languages is Acts of Service. This is the love language I speak. Being of service is a driving factor in what motivates almost everything in my life. I look for opportunities to do for others, sometimes as a means of avoiding my own issues, but hey, this is my dharma. I'm still learning to put myself on the list of those I'm "doing for." Often as not, I get just as much, if not more, out of being of service to others. I have a deep need to be of use.  I say this not because I need acknowledgement for my good deeds, but because I'm recognizing the need to balance that with recognition of all that I have received as well. 

Sam Friend teaches us that, "There is in each of us so much goodness that if we could see it glow, it would light the world."

What are you currently doing to cultivate an attitude of gratitude? The following are a few ideas that can help to create the habit of recognizing the things you should be THANKful for:

1. Gratitude Reflection, before going to bed, think of at least 5 things you were blessed with during the day

2. Gratitude Journal, using a notebook, keep track of things that go your way, and choose a time to review it, daily, weekly, monthly

3. Gratitude Cards, purchase a pack of THANK YOU cards and set a weekly calendar event to remind you to write out thank yous to those you are thankful to

4. Gratitude Letters, choose a person, or persons that have had a significant impact on you and write them a letter to tell them

5. Gratitude Jar, use a quart sized jar and write down the things you are grateful for and put them in the jar. When you are having a hard time finding gratitude, look thru the notes you wrote

Habits take time to become second nature. Take the time to discover what works for you. If you find it difficult to stick to your plan, find a friend or partner to practice with. 

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." CICERO