Thanksgiving revisited

Well, now, at least my waistband is feeling it! Nice to spend a day with an adopted family. Great food, great company, now food coma.

Thanks to the Baker family for letting me a part of their traditions.

Thanksgiving

not feeling it.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans!

So, in the midst of my despair, the Eternal one threw me a curve ball, distracting me from the dark place I was looking forward to hiding in for the weekend.

My poor, dear kitty, who has an affinity for swallowing plastics of any kind, including the wrappers to my lady products, suffered a terrible and debilitating stomach sickness beginning Saturday afternoon. Shortly after I returned from my Saturday class I found her heaving in the hallway. In getting that all cleaned up I discovered several more heaps in her room. I put her food dish up on a high surface, emptied her water dish, and began the vigil of watching to see what would happen.

Under normal circumstance, this would have warranted a trip to the vet - no big deal. But 21 months after losing my job and health care of my own, there is no way I can start an open-ended vet bill. So we wait. She continued to vomit thru the afternoon. Finally we made it thru 4 hours without a hiccough so I returned the water dish to her with a small amount of water in it. She proceeded to lap up 6 or 8 mouthfuls and promptly vomited it back up.

I got the pedialyte out and started drip feeding her a tsp every hour for the next (yes, all night long) 12 hours. About halfway thru Sunday I started introducing some light chicken and gravy, which she ravenously consumed. She began thwarting the pedialyte so I had to institute the turkey baster method of administration, and even tried dipping the chicken in it to get her to take something in.

Luckily she was not feverish and showed no other signs of discomfort. This morning I gave her a solid tablespoon of the chicken and put the water dish back down for her.Before I left for work she had mozied on over to her bed and looked like she was finally ready to settle in for a nap, the first real sleep she's had since all this started! I've had her looked in on and so far so good. Apparently she was still in her bed when my helper stopped by. She got up to visit with them and seemed pretty okay. Financial crisis averted for now!

The upside of all of this chaos is that I sailed thru what is usually the darkest weekend of my year. I guess in it's own way, this was the best kind of distracted to be, it left me no time to dwell on things I have no control over.

A Poem to Mark the Anniversary of My Mother's Departure from this World

32 years ago my mom left this world. I still cry like it was yesterday. I hear people tell grieving family members and friends that in time, their grief will subside and they will be able to go on with their lives. I don't think that is always the case. I know it hasn't always been for me. For me, the day to day activities of life have only been a means to distract myself from how awfully alone I feel, how betrayed I feel. Some days I just don't have the strength to pretend it all matters.



It’s been 32 years since God took you away.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I sat in my classroom learning fractions and verbs,
While those who were with you got to hear your last words.

I was so angry with God I could not understand
How leaving two girls motherless could be part of His plan.
All these years later, and Angie’s with you now too,
I still don’t understand why He chose to take you.

The tears that I cry are the same as they were
I cry for you and I cry for her.
I feel so alone as I sit here and cry
And still I don’t understand why, oh Lord, why?


Note from Author:
This is my annual pity party. I'll feel better on Sunday and get back to business as usual for another 11 1/2 months.

Thanks for listening.
Michele

1 Year Ago Today

It's been a year since my baby sister took her last breath in this life. I still cry at least once a day. I've been in this state of barely hanging on for so long now that it's hard to breath easy when I'm not. I know I am supposed to be grateful for what I have instead of disappointed for what I have not, but that is so much easier said than done.

I have been blessed with two beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, creative, kind generous and loving children. That in and of itself should be enough. I have some terrifically wonderful women in my life that have been such a blessing to me in their undeserved friendship.

I have a roof over my head and food in my belly.

All of this puts me worlds ahead of the majority of the inhabitants of this earth.

So why is it, then, that the people that are missing from my life have left such gaping holes that some days, most days, I find it too impossible to just keep going? It's going to be a difficult couple of weeks and I hope that the people around me will just be understanding enough to give me the room to survive it the only way I know how.

Sometimes being the sole (soul?) survivor really sucks.