It's been a year since my baby sister took her last breath in this life. I still cry at least once a day. I've been in this state of barely hanging on for so long now that it's hard to breath easy when I'm not. I know I am supposed to be grateful for what I have instead of disappointed for what I have not, but that is so much easier said than done.
I have been blessed with two beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, creative, kind generous and loving children. That in and of itself should be enough. I have some terrifically wonderful women in my life that have been such a blessing to me in their undeserved friendship.
I have a roof over my head and food in my belly.
All of this puts me worlds ahead of the majority of the inhabitants of this earth.
So why is it, then, that the people that are missing from my life have left such gaping holes that some days, most days, I find it too impossible to just keep going? It's going to be a difficult couple of weeks and I hope that the people around me will just be understanding enough to give me the room to survive it the only way I know how.
Sometimes being the sole (soul?) survivor really sucks.
I'm so sorry you lost your sister. I lost my brother in 1972, but I have three sisters and my mom is still here. My brother and I were both born in March and always had our birthday parties together. I think of him too on every birthday. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteBelle, thank you for your kind words. I lost my mom in 78, on Nov 13th, so this month will only get harder for me before it gets easier. My little sister died from the same cancer that took our mom. I think that makes it that much worse! Her birthday was the day after mine. How strange that we have such similar stories, huh?
ReplyDeleteYes, it is. My brother had asthma from the time he was two years old. He died, they said, because of the steroids they had given him all those years. His heart just stopped. But the steroids also gave him more years to live as he came close to death from asthma many, many times. He did live to be 21. He was a writer, and the last thing he wrote was an article about God and how he was ready to go when God called him. I was always happy for that article.
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