We should do this more often

I'm not really sure what reconciliation feels or looks like, but I'd say I came pretty close today. Normally I don't attend the little kiddy parties in my family, but my cousin gave my son a very generous gift a couple weeks ago at his grad party. Feeling rather obligated, I went to her little girl's birthday party. I expected the usual, a few aunts and uncles, a few cousins, and a half dozen or so screaming little drama queens that leave me thanking God I don't have to do the little kiddy thing anymore! The surprise came when I walked out onto the patio to see my sister's daughter sitting in a chair, awkwardly smiling as she looked up at me.


You see, my sister and I have been estranged for about 8 years or so. Even before that, my sister had pulled back from our side of the family and didn't participate in family occasions. The few times I've seen my littlest nephew, Scott, age 6, were the night I snuck into the hospital upon his birth, knowing my brother-in-law wouldn't dare make a scene there, and at the few select funerals my sister has attended over the years, and although our family has had it's share of these I don't think I've seen my sister's children in at least 2 or 3 years!

So needless to say, the little one doesn't know me. Her oldest son, Kevin, age 16, now lives with his dad. Her daughter, Linda, age 13, and her middle son, Sam, age 11, remember me, but tend to be a little reserved around me. Sam wasn't allowed to attend the party due to being grounded for his report card. This type of discipline is just one of the many things his father and I don't see eye-to-eye on.

So, upon seeing my niece, I promptly walked over and stood her up and hugged her within an inch of her life. I whispered in her ear and told her that not one day had gone by that I had not loved her. I whispered that she may have to forgive me later, but I wasn't sure I'd be willing to let her go for quite some time. Once the tears slowed down, I reluctantly let her go and turned to see if any of her siblings were there. That's when I spotted the little one in the pool.

I marched over, still in my Sunday best, and shouted for him to come to the side of the pool. I said hello to him and asked him if he knew who I was. He looked at me with confusion in his eyes. I told him I was his auntie Michele and asked him if I could hug him. He kinda shrugged and scooted toward the edge of the pool. I scooped him up and proceeded to hug him within an inch of his life and gave him a volley of kisses and whispered in his ear, "I know you don't know who I am, but I have loved you every day of your life! You can go back to swimming now!" I set him back to rights as he gave me a weird look and went back to terrorizing the girls in the pool.

Shortly after, I changed into my swimsuit and also got into the pool to terrorize the girls. I swear I immediately turned into a 10 year old! I coaxed my niece into the pool and we had a great time swimming, doing somersaults, tossing kids about and having shoot-outs with all the water cannons. There was also a moon bounce which was slippery as all get out due to the pool soaked bouncers. We spent the afternoon going from the pool to the bouncy and back. It really was quite an experience, but anyone that knows me know how much I love to play with the kids and carry on like a fool!

Just before the cupcakes and ice cream where brought out, I noticed my auntie and grama heading around the side of the house. Then suddenly they where on their way back to the patio each on a side of my sister, helping her to traverse the landscape. You see, she's been receiving treatments for cervical cancer and from the news I've received, the chemo's been kicking her butt. But I've also seen her posting on FB and she seems to have a great attitude about her illness, which I understand helps with the healing process.

It's been a difficult year for me, this 2009. First I lost my job, then the bank decided against helping me keep my house, then my baby boy graduated from High School, then I found out my sister was diagnosed and I suddenly found myself dealing with all these emotions at once. I've done a lot of praying, and a lot of crying, and I decided I had to forgive her. Now, this doesn't mean I will soon be forgetting how she hurt me, or how much of my niece and nephews' lives I have missed out on, but I didn't want to carry around the resentment I had a single day longer.

I've been cleaning my house and taking stock of what I want to keep and what I should get rid of in anticipation of being foreclosed on. I figure, the less I have to pay to store while I shack up on some one's couch, the better. I decided that this would be the perfect time to additionally take stock of my emotional baggage and get rid of that as well! I've been looking around my world and asking myself if I really am good Christian or just going thru the motions. I'm working on being the "bigger man" but letting go of the need to let everyone know just WHY I'm the "bigger man". Several weeks ago, I posted a letter of forgiveness to my sister. Since then, I've been working on really meaning it.

I greeted my sister with a, "well, don't you look like hell?" to which she smiled genuinely and said thanks. My comment shocked a few of my cousins and they were obviously non-plussed about it, but I said to them that if I had said, "well, you look great!" she would have just assumed I was lying! My sister laughed and nodded and agreed and they seemed to take that at face value. I went back to playing with the kids. What a great way to spend a day. Although, did you know that bouncing in a moonwalk is like doing lunges? My thighs are KILLING ME as I sit here and type this. I'll have to remember to take a Motrin before bed tonight!

So as the party drew to an end and we all made our ways toward the front of the house to say our goodbyes, I grabbed up my nephew and hugged him and kissed him and told him to never forget how much I love him. As well with my niece, plus I asked them both to pass on my love to their brother Sam and tell him I love him too. Linda was not thrilled with the prospect of passing on a kiss to him, but agreed anyways.

Then I walked over to my sister and for the heck of it, threw my arms around her, expecting a gratuitous hug and nothing more. Instead, she grabbed on to me like it was a matter of life or death and proceeded to give me a hug that can only be compared to what I imagine an actual bear hug would feel like. Eight years seemed to melt away into the atmosphere in that hug. As we stood there, neck to neck, all the love I had for her came rushing out of the box I had been hiding it in and I couldn't keep the tears back. I sobbed and shook, and shivered as we allowed our grip to say all the things that we couldn't, and still we stood grasping one another. I whispered that I loved her and that I was praying for her that I was really happy to be hugging her to which she replied "we should do this more often"