Absent Fathers

I am getting so sick of all the talk and debate and studies about how kids are more likely to grow up to be successful if they are being raised in home where the father is present vs being raised by a single mom.

At no time in these discussions/debates/studies do they address a. the quality of the parenting or 2. the desire of the child to succeed.

These are two VERY important factors in formulating a child's chance for success in life.

I don't think a child is going to benefit in a home where the father is a drunk, or a workaholic, or a cold, withholding bastard! And the same stands for single moms.

This morning on NPR they went on and on ad nauseum about how Barrack (famously) dreamt of his father. Okay, can we just say for the record, Barrack is THE perfect example of just how frikken successful a child can be when raised without a father in the home? And he's mixed race! We can crush two stigmas with one White House!

Puuuuleeeease! There are more than a few people out there that I am more than certain have benefited from not knowing their fathers!

I by no means set out to be a single mom. I'm sure there were times when my son could have benefited from having a man around. But that wasn't going to be just any man. As it happens, I never found a suitable partner. For what it's worth, most of the men in my young life weren't worth the testosterone they were full of, among other things!

It's quality over quantity when it comes to the ideal # of parents required to raise a child properly. And I will still come right back and point out to you all of the highly dysfunctional adults I know who grew up in "ideal" homes with a present, participating father and (oh, shock!) a stay at home mom...this is not the "winning formula" most people ascribe to. I think our world has changed, and with it the family unit. I think rather that lamenting about how we've gone wrong, lets embrace the "it takes a village" precept and start looking around our community for opportunities to help make every child's circumstances better.

Be a mentor, a foster parent, a foster-grand parent, or a friend. If you know a single mom, see if there is any thing you can do to help her give her children the most rounded childhood possible. Volunteer you help kids with homework, or coach a little league team. Children who have strong role models and adults they can turn to when they need advice are more likely to grow up to be successful.

Don't sit and judge just because someone constructed their family "out of order". Get with the times, there is no order!